Overcoming Guilt from Pet Loss

Sharing your life with someone special is a gift. A gift of lifelong joy and happiness. But what if that joy was cut too short? After all, our pets don’t live as long as we do.  All of a sudden, you are without your best friend. They are not there to greet you at the door, eagerly awaiting the kiss on the head or the pat on the back. How about the lazy days of napping together or lounging in the backyard? Losing your beloved pet makes you look behind at the impossible of second-guessing what you could have done better or differently. This is when you start to have feelings of guilt and remorse. Guilt from pet loss is a natural feeling that many of us go through. However, this blog will discuss the reasons behind that guilt and how to achieve solace.

Broken with grief man dog owner is grieving sitting on a bench with the lovely pet collar and deep weeping about animal loss.

Why We Feel Guilt

I always say I would never change having any of my fur babies or future fur babies, even if it means going through that painful goodbye over and over. They brought me such companionship and laughter, and I enjoyed every day with them. But bringing them into my house also brought a lot of responsibility. It was up to me to take care of their well-being and keep them safe and healthy. This sense of responsibility is at the root of how we feel when we experience a pet loss.

Every pet parent will feel grief and guilt when they have a pet loss. It is expected you wish you could have done more and made a different decision. Or to question if you made the right choices.  The “what ifs” do not change what has happened, nor will it ease your heartache.  Life is full of uncertainties and difficult decisions, and as long as you have the right intentions, that is all we can do.  You might feel guilty for not noticing your pet’s symptoms earlier, taking into account your financial situation, or even feeling responsible for the loss of your pet.  Instead of beating yourself up or blaming yourself, remember you did what you thought was best.  You did that with the intention of love!

Overcoming Guilt

When it comes to losing a pet, there really doesn’t seem to be a “guiltless” circumstance.  Pet loss guilt is particularly present and overwhelming in the early days of that farewell journey. Our pets are like small children; they depend on us for food, shelter, family love, and medical care. It was our choice to bring them into our families and commit to putting their needs first. They might be able to show us they’re in discomfort but can’t tell us the problem’s precise nature. Because we signed on to be their protector, it is understandable that many of us feel like we have failed in our responsibility. Thus, the guilt and blame surfaces.

Remember the quality of life you gave your best friend, not the regrets. Through the guilt process, you need to understand that controlling the uncontrollable is impossible. No one is to blame for what life has in store for us. Sometimes there is no answer to “why”, such as an incurable illness. The one thing that we do have control over is how we respond to all those negative emotions.  Don’t let those negative guilt emotions have control over you. Choose to believe that you made the best life possible for your fur baby.

The true meaning of guilt is to have feelings of deserving blame, especially for imagined offenses or a sense of inadequacy. This is where you need to break the cycle of repeating the tragic loss over and over in your mind. This will accomplish nothing except drawing you deeper and deeper into that dark hole. Change your line of thought and focus on something else, such as what you are fixing for dinner. The key is to have positive thoughts. Surely, you can remember those happy moments you shared with your best friend. Take a stroll down memory lane and enjoy some laughter over the silly things that your pet did. Chances are the life you shared was more full of good times than bad times. And, if you think about it, there probably weren’t that many bad times at all. Even if you count the endless holes in the yard, or knocking over something on the end table. Or how many times they spit out the pills. You might have been mad at the time, but I bet you can look back at them now and chuckle. What would life be without them? BORING. So, give yourself a break and forgive. Forgiveness for being human. Forgiveness for not being 100% perfect. Learn from your pet! How many times did they forgive you? And they still loved you like crazy.

One of the ways to help you through the healing process is to create ways to memorialize your best friend.  Such as:

  • Choosing an urn that has a special meaning.  At Tranquil Tides Pet Aquamation, we offer several urn selections, including custom picture engraving of your pet.  To see our full line of products, visit our products page.
  • Creating a memory box with their favorite toy, clothing, or collar.
  • Have your pet’s portrait painted for a wall.
  • Purchasing keepsakes or jewelry that your pet’s ashes can be placed inside, such as a memorial necklace, bracelet, or ring.
  • There are many ways to capture an imprint of their paw, such as using ink, clay, play dough, or pre-made kits.
  • Planting a tree, shrub, or flower in memory of your pet.
  • Begin writing down how you feel in a diary.  You want to ensure you include not only the sadness and anguish but also list the things about your fur baby that made you happy.  Is there anything you would like to say to them that you didn’t get a chance to?  Or, maybe it is something that you had always planned on but just haven’t had the chance to do yet.
  • Social media is a great place to share photos and memories of your pet. Some pet businesses even let you write an obituary for your pet.

When to Seek Help for Pet Loss

Grief has no time limit. Everyone will experience it at different lengths and levels. Ultimately, be kind to yourself as you navigate this difficult period. Having someone listen to your concerns is very helpful, so surround yourself with friends and family. If you still need comfort, read our blog, https://tranquiltides.life/how-to-cope-with-pet-loss, for additional resources to guide you through the heartache.

If, after you have challenged your negative thoughts with positive thoughts, and you still find yourself not coping, it may be time to consider asking for help.  If you cannot do the day-to-day tasks of your everyday life, it may be time to consider asking for help.  Your beloved pet would not want to see you surrounding yourself in despair and guilt.  Did they not forgive you for stepping on their tail?  Or, for taking them to get their nails clipped?  They are full of forgiveness, and they will forgive you now because they love you.  They didn’t like it when you were upset, and they still wouldn’t want to see you upset.  You can honor your late pet’s memory by doing exactly what they have learned  – forgiveness.

Forgive yourself and move on to the next chapter of your life

Dog paw print and heart, concept design for pet lovers, a condolence concept for death of a pet dog

If you have talked to your friends and family and still seem trapped in the past, it may be time to talk to someone impartial. A pet bereavement counselor is independent of your situation and can advise on how to heal. Guilt and shame are emotions that go hand in hand; because of the shame, you might not fully open up to family and friends. By seeking out a professional counselor, you may be able to further expand on your true feelings. If you still have questions about your pet’s passing, your veterinarian may be able to answer questions concerning the decisions that were made.

Other options would be pet loss support groups or online communities.

 

Resources for Pet Loss and End of Life

Here are some of the many resources that you can find online:

For additional resources, visit our resources page.

 

Helping Someone Else with Pet Loss

Group of people helping someone through grief from pet loss

DO…

  • Validate their feelings and encourage healthy grieving.  Give them a shoulder to cry on and tell them it takes as long as it takes. Let them know crying is normal and healthy.
  • Offer a listening ear to hear their stories as many times as needed. Allow them to share and reminisce about the wonderful memories. Also, feel free to pipe in and recount a story or two about their pet. It is also a time to smile and laugh about those silly times. If you are using our water-based cremation service, I am a very good listener and would love for you to share your stories with me. We are based in the Nixa/Springfield, MO, area.
  • Go with your friend to a local animal shelter and make a donation in their pet’s name. You can also name a star after your pet. There are so many ways to pay tribute and memorialize a pet. For more information, visit our blog on the subject.
  • Show compassion and support with comforting hugs, send a condolence card, or even just be company so they are not alone. Silence is OK, and your presence will mean a lot.
  • Help with daily practical tasks like caring for other pets, running errands, or bringing over meals and grocery items.
  • If they need time alone, tell them you are there whenever they are ready to talk. Remind them of this support even days, months, or years later.

DO NOT…

  • No one person experiences pet loss the same way. Don’t minimize their feelings and tell them how they should or shouldn’t feel.
  • Avoid comments like “You will get over it” or “It was just a pet”.  You don’t want to minimize their feelings or loss. And, absolutely don’t rush them to not be upset and tell them they should be over it. *Don’t compare their pet loss to others and say “My pet loss was worse than yours”.
  • Don’t pressure them to move on to getting another pet to replace their beloved pet. They will know when the time is right.
  • Don’t assume you know how they feel or what they need. This would be the time to ask them what you can do to help. The worst thing you can do is act like their pet loss didn’t even happen.  It did, and the best thing to do is be patient and understanding and offer physical support by just being there.

 

At Tranquil Tides, we grieve with you for the loss of your extraordinary friend. We offer a gentle farewell to your pet, a water-based cremation service. We service Springfield and surrounding areas in Missouri and would love to meet with you to discuss how we can help. You can also call us at 417-830-4794.